Twelve Days of Christmas: Day #11

Today as I was ambling around the internet in search of something to share with all my lovely readers I came across, by a pleasing turn of fate, a piece of writing that made me want to leap off my seat and shout out 'yes, that's exactly how I feel!' (I fortunately restrained myself from doing so). On West End Wendy, another theatre blog, there have been compiled Ten Commandments of Theatre - all the dos and don'ts for those rookie theatregoers who can't quite remember to switch off their phones or clap at the end of a song. Many audience members I have been sat next to in the past might take note.

Bad behaviour in the theatre is something that I sadly keep returning to in my blog. Far from wanting to moan, I wish I could be given a reason to stop writing about this particular topic, but a night at the theatre uninterrupted by incessant chatter or the ongoing battle with the mobile phone seems to be an impossible dream. Sometimes I feel like turning around to people in the audience and asking them if they actually realise that they have paid money - usually quite a reasonable sum of money - to see the actors on the stage in front of them perform and that said money might be better spent if they could hear the actors speak. But of course that would be an extremely rude interruption of the show.

Among the rules outlined by West End Wendy, the most persistent infringements in my experience have been use of mobile phones, providing a running commentary for the show (yes, we can see what's happening, we are watching the play too) and taking photographs during the performance. I might add a few more slightly less obvious but I believe necessary rules:

• Do not file your nails. An odd one I realise, and perhaps not obviously irritating, but when the persistent scrape, scrape, scrape cuts through a quiet scene of emotional dialogue it makes you want to scratch your own eyes out. I'm all for keeping your nails in shape but there's plenty of time for grooming outside of the theatre auditorium.
• Stay in your own seat. For some inexplicable reason, a couple in front of me at Les Miserables felt the need to switch seats every ten minutes during the show, each time obscuring my view without fail. Surely the quality of a seat doesn't alter that much during a performance?
• Drink responsibly (I think I might have stolen this phrase from somewhere ...). Yes, a trip to the theatre is a night out and having a relaxing drink is par for the course. But when people have had so many plastic cups of wine that they start singing along (very loudly) and shouting at the actors then it might just be one drink too many ...

Rant over. Breathe. My own complaints aside, it was refreshing to see someone write down all those little bits of theatre etiquette that are so often disregarded by theatregoers. Someone should frame it and put it up in every theatre. It will also give you a giggle, so take a look, enjoy, and perhaps memorise it for your next theatre visit ...

If you have any amusing stories of bad theatre behaviour to share then leave a comment.